Oprah sprung up on a search I was doing last night. So, I started poking around. Dr. Oz is the new corespondent of this decade for Oprah as Dr. Phil was in the past. I’ve seen a show with Dr. Oz and he’s vibrant and plucky. He’s determined to help us all conquer our medical demons so we can all live a full and happy life.

There was a test. So, I clicked and began answering the questions: How many times do you walk? Get the heart rate up? Have a talk with a friend? Eat fruits and vegetables? Take fish oils? Floss? Smoke? and on and on it went. I didn’t know what to answer about the sex question since that’s a null and void issue. I didn’t understand a few others because of the odd wording. (But with multiple choice, when in doubt pick B).

Then we came to the poop question: What shape is your poop? C - S - J - dripping water fountain - goat pellets? This is a question that makes anyone pause and think. I switched the answer several times because I just couldn’t decide. The problem was I needed a box marked: none of the above.

My score? Average. I am average. Get a move on! said the computer screen. Average cuts the cake, but if you continue on "as is" you’ll be pushing up daisies before you’re 70. Bravo for the call to action. I took the average label personally for about a minute (well, o.k. it entered my dreams and depressed me for the entire morning).

Someone in my family used to say: Sh__ or get off the pot. Ah, I’ve see we’ve come full circle. And,what shape is your poop?*

*although I know dripping like a water fountain is not good and goat terds are bad, which letter of the alphabet should it be? Oprah doesn’t offer the test anymore, so try this to see what mean you fall in.