Depression is a tricky thing. I’ve never suffered from the form of depression that requires medication. But, once and awhile, I get the blues, and they swing deep. I’d venture to say that almost every mother has.

I didn’t take to mothering too well, though I believe I do well at it. Career and mothering go at it non-stop in my head. Can I sneak away to work? Can I sneak away?

I would say one of the draw backs of is: How do I generate an income? Even if I did go back to work, full-time and earned the top in my field, I’d only make about $1000 a month. I made more than that when I signed my first contract at 23 years old. It’s a sad financial fact. Now I could work for the betting industry, but the hours are usually quite late, and then there’s the cost of care. Public schools are an option, but lack a lot. Most here pay for private education.

I know I could do anything if I had to. I’ve done it: cleaned toilets, washed dishes, ironed tablecloths, mixed cement, hauled rocks, waited tables, painted houses – all in the name of earning money. But when I had children, I was knocked out of the money making arena. I remember when my mother received her first social security check: She was docked ten years because she stayed-at-home with “us kids” for ten years. Eating chocolates and watching soap operas I suppose.

is a poor country, though one of the most stable economically and politically in all of Latin America, its still a developing country. Maybe one day I’ll look at staying home and developing a home-based career as a blessing. But I’m still wallowing in blue, and it’s hard to change the color of my spots. I often feel powerless.

I don’t want to be penalized for raising children like my mother was. Maybe I’ll live long enough to see a lobby as big as the oil company for mothers; pensions for mothers; and recognition that goes deeper than a bouquet of roses on mother’s day.