When did you move to Costa Rica?

In 1998, my (now-ex-to-be) husband and I drove from Minnesota to Houston with three large dogs and a cat in our car. We didn’t want the pets to suffer, so we imagined this romantic ride, which followed the Mississippi river to skirt us out of the life known as: American. Oh, how we suffered. Bloody noses, drugs, fried sea animals, Elvis, but we arrived. Our container braved Hurricane Mitch, which devastated many parts of Central America, and eventually delivered our goods into the hands of four strong men and right through our door.

What exactly do you do in Costa Rica?

Well I stopped saying I was a mother because nothing kills a conversation like that word. I get more response out of saying: I’m a writer. But then they always ask about that book thing.* So now I say I am a brain surgeon with a couple of really interesting hobbies that involve children and words.

What happened to the husband(s)?

I keep misplacing these guys. Terrible habit I have.

Can you speak Spanish?

I make my way. Still labor over that whole se le la lo thing. But on Tuesdays from 10:00 a.m. to noon, I must say I nail the stuff.

Can you speak Russian?

No.

And the kids?

I have two children. My daughter Coco is seven and her legs keep outgrowing her pant legs while her waist never seems to change. She’s this cultural mutt of American/Tica. When I grow up, I want to be like her. My son, Addison, is going on three. He’s got this thing called Down Syndrome. It changes our lives in every way, yet we have this look of kind of a normal-divorced-extra chromosome-ex-pat-kind-of family.

Animals?

Every ex-pat I know ends up either adopting dogs when they move to Costa Rica or spending oodles of money and time trying to save the stray population of mutts. I’m no exception. The four animals that came down in crates from the States have all passed on, so I went and rescued two more of the four-footed critters. Since, I’ve down-sized to condo living, I left the pair with the “ex” to manage their little spirits. However true to my over-sentimental form, I hauled the two remaining guinea pigs we had - at one time we had nine - to our new home. I’m not quite sure if we count our cockroach population that scurries across the floor at all hours of the day as pets yet.

What is Down Syndrome?

It’s a genetic defect, and it is the most common one in the world - one out of about 750 children are born with it. Some of the development in the child is slowed down or modified in some way. It’s like this big box of chocolates that you dump into a basket: you never know what you are going to get. My son happens to be a spit-fire when it comes to knowing songs by heart and making animals sounds (not to mention he communicates in three languages), but he’s slower to walk. The severity of health problems differs from heart to digestion to respiratory. Many kids need surgery in the first few months of life. The life span in the past had a sad prognosis of living to only 60, now many live this fantastic journey well past into their 70s and even 80s due to advances in therapy, health, attitude, education, and nutrition.

Divorce….Down Syndrome…why not move back to the States?

This option always sits in the back of my mind, and it’s a comfort to know it is there. But my children, especially my daughter, have really become connected to our extended community of Ticos. We have this special group of people we share macaroni salad with and wile away hours watching the kids play in the dirt. This culture, though not without it’s problem of abuse like any other society, caresses children. The school my kids go to is so giving, dynamic, and nurturing, Coco much prefers her time there than with me. And Addison and I get this extra help that would be unthinkable to afford in the States. He has to be lifted most places, has respiratory problems, and takes a lot of time to do many things. Living in Costa Rica has given me the room to deal with his health issues and maintain a certain amount of sanity.

What would you say to someone wanting to move to Costa Rica?

Think. Yes, this can be a piece of paradise, but don’t leave your common sense in Jersey. People can get taken a lot in real estate, car repair, and even taxi rides. Let’s face it most of us are Gringos; and we’ve had more opportunities; and we’re seen as a prosperous bunch. Translation: keep a tight hand on your wallet, a hand on your heart, and the smiles will follow.

What would you say to someone who’s discovered Down Syndrome is now part of their family?

Recognize everything you feel as valid: from the shameful to the curious to the confused. Read. Ask questions, but at some point put that away and be with the child. There’ll be oodles of opportunities to doubt yourself, theories, medicine, and methods. Find the warrior in yourself, and temper it with patience. Let this “thing” bring you closer together. For if you let it, it will.

Will you return emails?

The reason I survive at this job is because you take the time to read. I do my best to respond, but if Addison has a bad night or I’ve had to stand in line at immigration all day and another day, I may miss a few. Thanks for your patience. Comments are a great way to post your voice and be heard. I’ll give it my best.

Will you link to us?

Absolutely! We of course will not publish icky stuff. But if you have a cool link, we’ll get you up. Of course, we ask you can return the favor if it possible. There’s always enough to go around.

*There is one of those coming, by the way, so stay tuned at MotherJungle.